ATC, Decked Out. Watercolor & Pen on Arches 140 lb. cold pressed paper. © 2018 Sheila Delgado.
Up late. Wanted to paint. Should have been asleep. Took ten minutes and made two starts.
Start #1
Start #2
I went through my saved Instagram images. Work by other artists that just makes me happy. Color themes repeated. And this was one of them. A Big Stick Popsicle. Dripping on the sidewalk.
I had to lay down some paint. I wanted to see the colors flow. So that’s all this was. A quick commune with water and pigment. I was thinking, this has been an underlying theme for me this year (quick bits). It has already been a year!
You can look at the menu, but you just can’t eat
You can feel the cushion, but you can’t have a seat
You can dip your foot in the pool, but you can’t have a swim
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame
Aspirations in the clouds but your hopes go down the drain…
~Howard Jones~
A well versed thought. Describes my busy year. I’m not sad or, down. Just thinkin’. Looking towards next year, and the positive changes ahead.
At the end of September I was given a horrible diagnosis. The doctor took my case to the board, a team of specialists. And they decided there is nothing they can do. My esophagus is 100% non- functioning. It also narrows at the bottom, like a bird’s beak. And my stomach stays open. The “flap” doesn’t close. He said that some people ask if they can replace the esophagus. I had never heard of that before. He told me with my lungs though, I would likely not survive the surgery. So that is off the table. Plus I know, the likelihood of rejection or complications from Lupus is high. So he referred me to another specialist. And told me, he could help me with a feeding tube, if that is what I decided to do.
A feeding tube. A hole in my stomach.
Yup. I was completely bummed for a couple of weeks.
But the thing is, food goes down. It just also sometimes, comes back up unexpectedly. Or gets stuck if I forget to chew thoroughly. (Painful.) I wash it down with a quart of water (32 oz., sometimes). I have had these same symptoms for years. The acid reflux is very likely a contributing factor to the damage in my lungs.
BUT WAIT, there’s more!
Floral Escape. 4 x 6 in. watercolor & Posca pen on paper. © 2018 Sheila Delgado.
Early last month I had an appointment with another pulmonary specialist. Actually four of them came in the exam room. My case was so intriguing, (insert humor) that they asked me to stay for a second exam the same day.
They mentioned mixed connective tissue disease. A new term I have learned. Just means that it is not only Lupus, but a mixture of issues. Not unusual. I also learned that some of my symptoms DO in fact have names. Revelation!! They said what I have is rare, but did not give me the name. Maybe they did and I was just too busy digesting so much information.
The GOOD NEWS is, that my esophagus CAN BE REPAIRED. HALLELUJAH AMEN!!!
(Looking above with hands in prayer, eyes tearing, “Thank you Jesus!”)
They are fast tracking me for surgery. They will remove the damaged part of the esophagus, and bring the stomach up to meet it. Then they will work on repairing my lungs, sometime later.
Amazing news, right?!
Where I am now. Still in recovery mode. Caught a cold, well it was early November I think. Was barely over it when we went to San Diego. I knew the trip would just prolong recovery. It is basically a Lupus Flare. Pretty mild though. I am just exhausted, and sleeping more. Also, I lost my voice during the trip. Just used it too much, visiting with friends. It is still not back to normal.
I have two major projects I need to finish (start) before early next month. Hoping to also get a head start on the 30 day challenge. But you know what day it is, so that may not happen. Kinda hoping the challenge will be in February again. But either way, I will be interrupted.
There you have it. I rambled. One thought led to another. What the heck. Had to share the bad with the good. And the good is really GREAT 😉
~ Sheila
Whoa! Sheila, I didn’t know you were going through so much. Rejoicing to hear good news for your treatment and wrapping you in a great big hug from Northern Alabama. And I love “floral escape.” It is stunning! Look for me in your mailbox soon! Hugs…
I can feel it! Thanks for the hug Chandra, the rejoicing and the ? on the way! 🙂
beautiful, beautiful art and spirit! I am saying prayers for you.
Thank you Lana, so kind. Very grateful for your prayers my friend 🙂
Dearest Sheila, I am so thrilled to hear this WONDERFUL news for you!!!! Your strength, perseverance and grace as you navigate these challenges while maintaining a joyful spirit are so inspiring. Your art always shines from the glow of your heart. You are in my prayers. Hugs and love.
Trang, thank you so much for your dear, sweet message! 🙂 Your kindness and generosity shine bright. So grateful for your prayers 🙂 Hugs and love right back to you my friend 🙂
Sheila, You are so amazing…so beautiful, love these colors in your paintings …love the way it all turns into flowers, and hoping this is prophetic for you and your surgery. Your light shines so bright in this dark and scary place. You are such a wonderful example to all of us. I know Jesus is with you, His grace abounds and the angels are round about you. We will be praying for you, for skilled hands of the doctors and a miracle healing!!! Lots of love and hugs and prayers… and yes, keep us posted.
Dear Karin, thank you and God bless you for you prayers and good thoughts 🙂 I will keep that image in my head – angels round about me 😉 You are right, his grace abounds! Amen 🙂
Hugs and love and prayers right back to you dear friend 🙂
Sheila, my friend… there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, bear that in mind. One problem will find its solution – your esophagus. Good start isn’t it. From across the pond, you know I will be thinking of you and am sending through these modest words, all possible good vibes. Now, talking about your paintings, they are colorful and I like them.
So thankful to you my dear, wise friend! It is a good start, and it can only get better right?! Grateful for you good thoughts, and so glad you like these small paintings Louise 🙂
Well my God girlfriend. Just want to tell you I can always listen, ah, read, or we could chat phone or FaceTime – sometimes you just need to say things to a friend you can’t to family. You are also going to be in my thoughts and prayers as you make these decisions and potentially have surgeries. As you know my hubby lives with unfixables too and it is really difficult some days to stay upbeat. You are right to count the blessings. I am so hoping they can do the procedure and it will help without creating more issues. Sounds like you have a team of thinkers on the case, so write down every question and be sure you are comfortable.
Start #2 looks like acid reflux to me!! haha, no that is not fun and it is terrible when it just comes back at ya with no indication, just there.
Isn’t it wonderful you can vent some emotions in your artwork. I love that you selected these bold, positive and bright colors. I know you are a night owl, but do try to get more rest.
Ha ha ha ha, I am cracking up Nelvia. Acid reflux. Subliminal huh! Ha ha ha ha ha!!! I see it now too.
Thank you Nelvia for the offer of your listening ears. I will take you up on that 😉 It is a blessing, to have the art to vent as you say. Another reason I have missed it these last few weeks. Felt cut off, you know what I mean? Thanks for the laughter Nelvia, and your dear thoughts and prayers. Blessings all 🙂
That’s some roller coaster you’ve been on! I hope you get some relief soon!
Thank you Dave 🙂 Made me smile. Thinking about that scene in Parenthood, when the grandmother talks about being on a roller coaster and he is looking at her like she is a loon.
(quote) You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster.
Gil:
Oh?
Grandma:
Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride!
Gil:
What a great story.
Grandma:
I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn’t like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.
Thanks reminding me of the laughs Dave 😉
Sheila! Holy moly! You are an intrepid adventurer—I am humbled by the light that shines in you and the joy you bring to life. Love how you told your news in words and wordlessly through your art!
Holding you in my heart as you move forward : )
Holy camoly is right dear Dotty! Ha ha ha ha. Thank you for you kind thoughts my friend. I put off writing about this, didn’t want to bring anyone down. But you all have lifted my spirits – should have done it sooner 😉 So grateful, for your friendship, and heart, and daily inspiration 🙂
Oh, Sheila, I so wish I was at least on the same continent so I could feel like a warm enveloping hug around you could truly be felt. So much you are going through, have gone through, and your strong spirit and heart shine through your art and words with hope, joy, the beauty you find in this life. You appear to be in a place where you are receiving excellent medical care. That, plus your amazing attitude is what will get you through this. Know that you have a community of friends out here that love you and are praying for you.
Oh Laurelle, you all are making me teary eyed. THANK YOU xoxoxo! Your words ARE a warm enveloping hug 🙂 Thank you my friend. Thinking of you as I look over yonder to the reader 🙂
So glad to see you back! Beautiful watercolors! Great news… praying that all goes well and smooth. Brachot
I have missed painting Carol! Each day I want to sit and paint, and then the tired takes over. LOL. Thanks for the good thoughts and prayers, powerful those 🙂 Blessings!
The gift of hope for Christmas. How wonderful. Its amazing what surgeons can do these days. And no doubt you wont even have a scar. Hugs Sea
Yes Sea, wonderful 🙂 Hugs to you my friend 🙂
First off – great news that they can fix the esophagus although it sounds very complicated. It will be nice to have at least one of your problems fixed. Next, I like the paintings you shared today – the first made me think Picasso but I really like the way you turned the second into flowers – they are super. Good luck with all of your endeavors, Sheila – especially the surgery.
I’m sure it is Val. And the recovery will likely be also. 😉 Glad you like the flowers. Picasso, that’s cool. And of course, any doubt that I would see flowers in those watercolor blooms? Ha ha ha. Thanks Val for your well wishes 🙂
I am sitting here with tears on my cheeks— for the bad, horrible Yes AND the wonderful news!
One question- if you’d not survive surgery due to your lungs, earlier in the entry, how is it now ok for you to have the good news surgery?
I love you. PLEASE keep me posted!
Ha ha ha, you got me. I guess the second CT scan showed more. They are going to do another scan. Or an MRi. A question I will be asking though! I did not mention the previous diagnosis, wanted to hear what they had to say first.